While I was click-clacking away at the keyboard this morning, it occurred to me that I haven’t given away any money recently. In fact, the last time I even talked about giving money away was last June when I pledged $50 to Daisy Danger’s Bite-Size Sex project.
That project fell through, which means I never sent any money—which means my last actual donation was in April. Not a very good track record for someone who pledged to donate at least $25 to a worthy cause every month.
Back in the Saddle
Since I missed May through August, a quick count on my fingers shows me that I ought to donate $100 to some worthy cause right now. Since that’s not going to happen (mostly because I don’t happen to have an extra $100 at the moment), I thought I’d get back in the philanthropic saddle by giving away September’s money right now.
Looking back, I doubt the girl I wanted looked like this. She tempted me to consider vegetarianism, anyway.
People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals
I first heard about PETA in the late 1980s from a girl I wanted to have sex with date. Her ideas about people not needing to eat meat, wear leather, or drink milk seemed pretty radical at the time. In fact, they sounded like outright lunacy. I loved bacon and cheeseburgers, believed that dressing in layers of leather would convince the world that I was a tough guy… and milk? Well, it does a body good1, doesn’t it?
That girl and I never had sex dated, which means I eventually lost interest in her and moved on with my life. Fast forward a few decades, however, and I started thinking about her again.
An Old Idea Returns
When my children were born, I became one of those parents—the kind who ingest every theory, no matter how outlandish, desperate to raise happy, healthy, well-adjusted babies. At the very least, I wanted to make sure I didn’t poison my kids by feeding them the wrong brand of baby food at the wrong time of day or under inauspicious astrological conditions.
I was a mess.
It was about that time—during that maelstrom of radical ideas coming and going faster than I could change a poop-filled diaper—that the young woman and her “crazy rants” started coming back to me.
- “Humans don’t need to eat meat.”
- “Humans don’t need to wear leather.”
- “Humans don’t need to drink milk.”
- “The meat industry is burning down the rain forests, which is destroying the planet.”
- “The way humans treat animals is a disgusting. It proves we’re not as civilized as we think we are.”
I didn’t pay much attention to the memories at first. That girl was long ago and far away as far as I was concerned. As I kept slogging, however, through the swamp of information about healthful, ethical living and started sorting out the hard facts from the muddy half-truths, her ideas started to make more and more sense.
Be Careful What You Wish For
I started by asking myself, “Where does our food come from? How healthful is it?” You’ve heard the adage “Be careful what you wish for…?” Turns out it’s true for questions, too. I got answers, but I didn’t like them. If you’re curious to know what I found, here are a few resources you can look at—if you’ve got the stomach for it.
The first three are available through commercial vendors2, which means they are at least partially motivated by profit. Are they telling the truth? Probably. But if they put a shocking, sensational spin on that truth, then they’re likely to sell more copies, thus increasing profits for their corporate shareholders. That’s not necessarily what they’re doing, but you’ve got to admit it’s a possibility.
Then there’s PETA, an organization that is also no stranger to sensationalism. By contrast, they’re a non-profit organization, which pretty much takes the “greed factor” out of it.3
What Are They Selling?
As far as I can tell, the only thing PETA is selling is compassion, specifically, compassion for the non-human inhabitants of the earth. You’ve seen the ads, haven’t you?
Granted, this photo's got no context. But what kind of explanation could make this scene acceptable?
PETA’s most well-known for two things: its shocking undercover video footage that exposes how remorselessly savage people can be; and using sexual suggestion to promote their message. (See ad samples above and below.)
Horror…
It all started in 30 years ago. Per the website:
In the summer of 1981, one of PETA’s founders, a student named Alex Pacheco, set out to gain some experience in a laboratory and began working undercover at the Institute for Behavioral Research (IBR). IBR was a federally funded laboratory in Silver Spring, Maryland, run by psychologist and animal experimenter Edward Taub, a man with no medical training. There, Pacheco found 17 monkeys living in tiny wire cages that were caked with years of accumulated feces. A rotting stench permeated the air of the cramped, dungeon-like room, and urine and rust encrusted every surface.
The article goes on to summarize PETA’s investigation and the eventual court battle—and victory. Before you click over to the site, be warned. The main feature of the page is a slide show of heartbreaking photos, each with an explanation of the context in which the photo was taken. I won’t sugarcoat it. The article and accompanying photos are disturbing.
The worst part is that the Silver Spring case doesn’t even represent the tip of the iceberg in terms of the horrors PETA has exposed.
…and Sex
The other thing they’re famous for is for using sexy celebrities to get cheap attention. I can’t fault them for that. Again, per their website:
Unlike our opposition, which is mostly composed of wealthy industries and corporations, PETA must rely on getting free “advertising” through media coverage. This can be especially difficult with our fur campaign, since newspapers are often reluctant to cover our activities for fear of losing furriers’ advertising dollars. But, not surprisingly, colorful and “controversial” demonstrations and campaigns like activists stripping to “go naked instead of wearing fur” consistently grab headlines.
So they use sex as a low-cost method for promoting a worthy cause? I’ve got no problems with that.
Donation
All in all, PETA fits my definition of a worthy cause. So much so that I’m going to donate a flat $25 now and then again in November. Why wait until then? That’ll give me six weeks to sell lots of porn—enough that the proffered 20% will be much more than $25.
So what are you waiting for? Check out my reviews and pick a site that seems right for you. Buy some porn and then enjoy with the knowledge that, not only are you getting great porn, you’re also helping a worthy cause. I think that girl from my high school days would approve—as long as there’s no meat, leather, or milk involved.
For my part, I’m not going to ask whether any of those things are involved. I’ve learned my lesson about asking questions; I really don’t want to know.
I would totally eat Pamela Anderson... but not that way. Yuck!
1 “Milk. It does a body good” is a registered Service Mark of the California Milk Producers Advisory Board. Notice that these are people who have a vested interest in selling as much milk as possible.↩
2 They’re also available through book swaps and your local library.↩
3 Yes, they still solicit donations—and the more money, the better. Even a non-profit organization needs money to maintain office space, pay for electricity, water, taxes, advertising, full-time staff, and host of other things. The question is, what does PETA have a vested interest in?↩
